trying to remember

January 2, 2010 § Leave a comment

It is with some difficulty that I recall what has happened the past year. What happened during SEP threatens to fade into oblivion, and what happened before that is less clear still.

What I remember though, is wanting to escape, and escape I did. Now that I’m back, those feelings surface again. What is different is that I now know that escaping is not a solution, or at least entirely. I’m not saying it doesn’t help.

So I’ve been away four months. What have I to say?

First, that it has been an enriching experience. I’ve met people I would have otherwise not met, and each has imparted to me things that no others can impart. Outstanding in my mind are my LISS leader who provided home-cooked food every mondays, the lonely but kind old man I met in the wednesday prayer group and the guy who sheltered me on a rainy morning. It occurs to me that these weren’t people I intended to or expected to meet. Life still surprises.

Another thing to mention is the sense I get that I’m protected. Nothing untoward happened to me, even though I gambled with life a few times. These were the times I moved forward into the unknown, basing my decisions on trust rather than any rational thinking. I recall venturing into the mountain trails myself even while night was approaching and I didn’t know the way. I accepted rides and offers from pure strangers. In all these my trust proved to be well-founded. Even in the USA/Canada trip, it seemed we escaped snow storms that were brewing in the area. The 3 flights I took were safe as well, despite heightened concerns about terrorists who seemed to have struck again.

I’m back, and happy to be back. Yet it is not an entirely happy affair. 4 months away means some friendships have not been worked upon for 4 months. I do wish things could be easy– that being away simply made us appreciate one another more rather than caused a drifting apart. With some people I’m glad that it has gone down the path of increased appreciation, that we can simply pick off where we left. This doesn’t apply to all though. Life has proven itself to not be so easy.

What I have though, is the experience of God in my life. A large part of those 4 months I’ve experienced events which made Him real for me. Now I have to work on remembering.

I thus begin this year, not really with a clean slate. I don’t believe beginning with a clean slate is necessarily a good thing, or a preferable thing. Rather I would rather begin the year with me sitting here, trying to remember.


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