January 12, 2010 § 2 Comments
The thought of going back to school after such a long time seemed quite an exciting affair until the day before school started. Lucky for me, Vera sent an SMS which reminded me to begin the year with God. I read her message while waiting for #10 which seemed to take forever. Somehow, although I seem to have lost my spiritual connection after the USA/Canada trip, it was reassuring to think that I’m going to start the semester with God. Nothing to be depressed about then.
The lack of spiritual connection would have had a negative effect on my mood if this had been before I went to Vancouver. Now, however, I seem rather assured that this will be a temporary state of affairs. I’m hoping no one thinks to rebuke me for being complacent. I see it as just giving myself time. And besides, I find in me the desire to dedicate this semester to serving God. Have told EuPy that I want to intern, and inside my mind, I’m thinking of stationing myself at the arts corner. I keep hearing people say things are different since the seniors have left. I must admit that I miss some of them but at the same time, I’m optimistic about things. I mean people still care about the community and I see so many promising people around. I think I can do something too, because I’ve seen God work in me and I’m sure He will do it again if I allow Him to. Perhaps it’s this then, things may not be great but since Vancouver, I’ve gained a sense of assurance that God can work wonders.
And finally, I think I heard Him call again. I think the following will illuminate it better than i can now explain:“It was on the train today when I finally asked ‘Who are you?’ A silly question to ask after all these years. But as I stared at the forests passing me by, I thought about how long the forests have been there and the voice inside my head went “With age-old love I have loved you“. It’s the verse from Jeremiah 31:3” — 5/10/09 And… at mass last sunday, the song, “I have loved you with an everlasting love“.
For me, it has such personal significance because that was the phrase which became alive for me in Vancouver. Hearing it again at mass reminded me of that time, urges me to recall more fully the call of God and renew my relationship with Him. Admittedly I can’t recall it so vividly, but somehow I’m just not worried.
I really think that the state I am in now is a thin line between complacency and reassuredness. Time will tell which is which and I pray it’s reassuredness rather than the former.