April 25, 2010 § 1 Comment
Having consciously avoided being too reflective, for what seems to be quite a long time, a sense of emptiness and lack of sense of self has descended upon me. When I disengage myself from myself, which is simply too easy since I’ve almost forgotten who I am, I look at her and see impenetrability, and a free being more like a feather than a deeply rooted plant.
Why I am this way I do not know, but I wasn’t always so. Is it jadedness? Is is due to the realisation that life always changes and the things I try to hold on to eventually fade away? Still, I don’t want to be a feather, who touches and goes as she wills. I want to be a deeply rooted plant, with the strength to love and live deeply because my roots extend to the streams of life. I think, I want to go back being the child who trusts the world is really immersed in a kind of good and wonderful magic.
The Deceitful Heart
1 The sin of Judah is written down with an iron stylus; With a diamond point it is engraved upon the tablet of their heart And on the horns of their altars,
2 As they remember their children, So they remember their altars and their Asherim By green trees on the high hills.
3 O mountain of Mine in the countryside, I will give over your wealth and all your treasures for booty, Your high places for sin throughout your borders.
4 And you will, even of yourself, let go of your inheritance That I gave you; And I will make you serve your enemies In the land which you do not know; For you have kindled a fire in My anger Which will burn forever.
5 Thus says the LORD, “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the LORD.
6 “For he will be like a bush in the desert And will not see when prosperity comes, But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, A land of salt without inhabitant.
7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.
8 “For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.
9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?
10 “I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.
11 “As a partridge that hatches eggs which it has not laid, So is he who makes a fortune, but unjustly; In the midst of his days it will forsake him, And in the end he will be a fool.”
12 A glorious throne on high from the beginning Is the place of our sanctuary.
13 O LORD, the hope of Israel, All who forsake You will be put to shame. Those who turn away on earth will be written down, Because they have forsaken the fountain of living water, even the LORD.
14 Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, For You are my praise.
15 Look, they keep saying to me, “Where is the word of the LORD? Let it come now!”
16 But as for me, I have not hurried away from being a shepherd after You, Nor have I longed for the woeful day; You Yourself know that the utterance of my lips Was in Your presence.
17 Do not be a terror to me; You are my refuge in the day of disaster.
18 Let those who persecute me be put to shame, but as for me, let me not be put to shame; Let them be dismayed, but let me not be dismayed. Bring on them a day of disaster, And crush them with twofold destruction!