March 31, 2011 § Leave a comment

What is a friend? Who is a friend? Yes there are friends, and there are friends. But in my time of greatest need, the answer is no one, no one beyond lip service.

No one except Jesus.

I know I am being an idiot now, an idiot with emotional baggage. Who will bear my emotional baggage with me? Who will bother when I can’t bring joy to them and make them laugh?

When the answer, ‘no one’ comes to mind again, I feel myself dying inside.

And yet I still remain the idiotic self that I am. Because I know that if the answer is no one, then I shouldn’t even try.

But the thing is that there is someone, and it’s almost as if I hear Him say, ‘you may be an idiot now but I’ll be with you and not scold you until you can take it.’

And if only for that someone, I’ll become a better person. I still feel horrible and I think I need to wallow, but I’ll come out of it.

And if anyone is a horrid person, like how I am now, I think I’ll understand.

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