April 11, 2011 § Leave a comment

Death. When dealing with death, I feel inadequate. It even seems as if I can deal with anything other than it. Even glimpsing it is painful enough.

I just learnt of a family friend’s passing away today. He had a stroke days ago. And though I do not recall how he looks like, I feel sad.

I feel sad because I believe he is someone I would have seen but may not have recognised, I feel sad because I will never see him again here. I feel sad for his wife, because she’s a family friend. And I am shocked because he is my dad’s age, and it happened way too fast. I went from thinking ‘oh he might recover’ to ‘he’s gone?’

And perhaps mostly, and ashamedly, I am scared because it’s a glimpse into the future, where I know loved ones who are so much a part of me and my life will be rendered over and life will never be the same. And it will be a downward spiral. And oh, just thinking about this, I don’t feel like carrying on.

ISM. I have to complete my ISM and essays and study for exams.

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