September 7, 2012 § Leave a comment

I need help, I am too engrossed in the book “The Help”

Somehow reminds me of the maids who took care of me all those years growing up. I wish I was kinder to them, because being “the help” is definitely not fun, from not being treated as a person to being talked about like you are evil– there’s no black white gap here but ppl sure don’t like their maids. As a peer I understand, but as a child I sure thought it was craziness.

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Carnival cooking

September 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

 

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Health n mood

September 4, 2012 § Leave a comment

Those saints who remained saintly despite their illness really win my respect. Just a headache and my mood is as foul as ever, perhaps more so because the resulting insomnia caused me to miss a lesson and pay a considerable amount to an equally grumpy doctor. Hmph. I hate the stupid system which requires me to take an MC, can’t they trust I really was unwell? I know I know, subject to abuse, Hmph

Lost soul

August 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

Physically, I am attending courses at very ulu place near boon lay. Let’s call it ULU. 

Emotionally, I am missing my students. 

I feel like a wreck and a loser, because I spend my free weekday visiting them. I feel like someone who cannot move on.

Because of this, I am no where. I am not in ULU, where I physically am. I am not in my previous school. where my heart is. A wreck, I am.

Waiting for amazing Grace, and her sweet sound, to save a wreck like me.   

 

happy

July 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

I haven’t posted in a while. 

I have much to say though. 

In the past month, I’ve realised the need to accept love. I realise that I’m averse to depending on others, that when I have to ask for help I would rather run away. But there are people who love me and want to me there for me, who would risk their safety/comfort to protect me. It is a matter of me allowing it to happen. Well, the circumstances this past month forced me to be dependent. I feel I’m being carried. It’s a feeling that is sobering, but it’s good. 

I’m happy. I’m happy seeing the children. Now that I’m leaving the kids are abit better. OK, MUCH better 😀 Colleagues/Students I thought wouldn’t care that I’m leaving suddenly reveal feelings I never thought existed. Or I thought existed but we let the daily hectic activity push out of mind. The world is good. People are good. If only we would be less busy and live more mindfully. 

I laugh every day, almost. The kids are so refreshingly honest. It’s one reason I love what I’m doing 🙂 

I thought I would add, that when I needed to make the decision if to stay, I was troubled. Was I settling? So I prayed. And on the day that I had timed myself to make a decision, I watched a touching show about teaching. The first year. Was this a sign? I’m going to see it as one 🙂 

 

 

 

happy

July 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

I haven’t posted in a while. 

I have much to say though. 

In the past month, I’ve realised the need to accept love. I realise that I’m averse to depending on others, that when I have to ask for help I would rather run away. But there are people who love me and want to me there for me, who would risk their safety/comfort to protect me. It is a matter of me allowing it to happen. Well, the circumstances this past month forced me to be dependent. I feel I’m being carried. It’s a feeling that is sobering, but it’s good. 

I’m happy. I’m happy seeing the children. Now that I’m leaving the kids are abit better. OK, MUCH better 😀 Colleagues/Students I thought wouldn’t care that I’m leaving suddenly reveal feelings I never thought existed. Or I thought existed but we let the daily hectic activity push out of mind. The world is good. People are good. If only we would be less busy and live more mindfully. 

I laugh every day, almost. It’s one reason I love what I’m doing 🙂 

 

 

 

I hate making d…

April 22, 2012 § Leave a comment

I hate making decisions. I close my eyes and put if off for as long as I possibly can. If only the right choice would be so clearly right. 

Black and white. But alas, it’s not so.

Gray areas (though aesthetically, gray is nice) 

Decision wise, emotionally, intellectually, I like black and white. 

I wonder why I am always having dilemmas. Always, it seems. 

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Walking home one day, I suddenly felt depressed.

And I tried to find within me God’s presence.

Nadah. 

Which led to the panic reaction. Have I fallen from grace?

So I called out to Mary. Well, she’s a mother. If there’s anything I am sure of in this world, it’s that you can always turn to your mother.

Then, I felt it. A presence.

Treasuring it in my heart, I walked home almost in tears.

Friends, what a friend I have in Jesus 🙂 And Mary, she intercedes for me 😀

This week, I concentrated on being in His presence, and am all the more happier. 

Hello Jesus, you reading this?

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